Why Dogs Are the Cat's Pajamas (and I’m in No Way Biased!)

Dogs have owners, cats have staff. - Unknown

I’d like to on record and add my two-cents worth to the age-old debate that's caused more family feuds than Monopoly: why dogs are better than cats. Okay, before you cat lovers start hissing at me, remember - I'm a dog. Of course I'm biased (I'm also adorable, so please hear me out).

In my opinion, comparing dogs to cats is like comparing a gourmet steak to a piece of lint you found in your belly button. Sure, they're both technically in the same category (things that exist), but that's where the similarities end. So, I present here the Top 9 irrefutable reasons why dogs are the superior species (don’t worry, there are plenty more!).

1. We're Walking, Barking Mood Boosters

While cats look at you with the same enthusiasm as someone watching paint dry, we dogs are like furry Prozac. Feeling blue? We'll shower you with kisses until you're wetter than a car wash and happier than a squirrel in a nut factory. Cats, on the other hand, might deign to acknowledge your existence... if you're lucky.

2. We're Exercise Motivators Extraordinaire

Try taking your cat for a jog. Go on, I'll wait. Meanwhile, we dogs will drag you out of bed at the crack of dawn, rain or shine, because that tennis ball isn't going to chase itself! Who needs a gym membership when you have a four-legged personal trainer who works for peanuts kibble?

3. Our Love is Unconditional (and Slightly Slobbery)

We love you no matter what. Bad hair day? No problem. Heck, we love you even when you step on our tails! Cats, however, will hold a grudge until the end of time if you dare to move their favourite cushion an inch to the left.

4. We're Living, Breathing Hot Water Bottles

On a cold night, we'll snuggle up and keep you toasty warm. A cat might deign to sleep on your bed, but only after kneading your bladder for 20 minutes and then settling as far away from you as possible while still technically being on the bed (in the softest spot, mind you!).

5. We're Multitasking Marvels

Need a vacuum cleaner? We'll eat anything that falls on the floor. Security system? Our barks will scare away burglars (and possibly the neighbours). Bed warmer? We've got fur coats built-in! Cats just... exist. And shed. Everywhere.

6. We're Always Camera-Ready

Instagram influencers have nothing on us. We're born photogenic! Whether we're tilting our heads in confusion or giving you puppy eyes, we're always ready for our close-up. Cats? They perfect the art of looking annoyed in every photo. It's their superpower.

7. We're the Ultimate Socialiser

Taking your dog to the park is like having your own personal networker. We'll bound up to strangers (including that cute human you've been eyeing off), giving you the perfect conversation starter. Try that with a cat!

8. Our Tails are Mood Rings

With dogs, you always know where you stand. Tail wagging? We're happy! Tail between legs? We probably ate your favourite shoes. Cats? Their tails are like encrypted messages. Good luck deciphering that twitch.

9. We're Low Maintenance (Comparatively)

Sure, we need walks and belly rubs, but have you ever tried to give a cat a bath? It's like trying to nail jelly to a wall while wearing barbed wire oven mitts.  

Sure, cats might have their charms and are independent …if by ‘independent’ you mean ‘aloof’ and ‘judgy’. We dogs prefer to think of ourselves as loyal, loving, and ‘enthusiastically co-dependent’. After all, isn't that what you signed up for when you decided to cohabitate with a four-legged creature?

Cats might be fine for people who enjoy one-sided relationships and cleaning litter boxes, but dogs are for those who want a best friend, personal trainer, therapist, and hot water bottle all rolled into one adorable, fur-covered package.

So, on this, save time: see it my way. Remember: a dog is a man's best friend. A cat is... well, a cat. And let's face it, you probably have already enough emotionally unavailable relationships in your life.

Until next time, keep those tails wagging (not twitching!) and the treats coming.

Truffle 🐾